Please don't use social media to get back at me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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