i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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