# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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