ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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