You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
