We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
