there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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