So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You can't special order awesome
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
