Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
