You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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