no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
