p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
