i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize