dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
