there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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