i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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