May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
