She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
