He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
