It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
