we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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