WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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