Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize