Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
