we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
