In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize