Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
