i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the liver wants what the liver wants
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
