I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize