If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
