Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize