And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
