so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
