Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
