I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
being pregnant is like rehab
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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