I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
