my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
