There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
