just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
