youre lurking in front of me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
