Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
