1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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