Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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