How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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