Will you blow on my dice?
...so i touched it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
