remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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