i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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