Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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