why didn't you poke me back
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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