perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
