its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
