i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
