he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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