Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
