I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
