can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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