Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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