saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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