I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
