I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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