Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
