I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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