These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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