he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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