Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
