in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
