Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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