I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
