all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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