I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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