a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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