STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
