I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
