I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
