Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
