I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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