Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
