it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
